We've been caught up with many things lately. Sad things.
Have you ever felt so relieved and guilty at the same time?
Okay here's what;
Just recently one of us moved back to her former school due to some personal issues.
(Not with us, but with some other people)
A part of me is relieved, cause in any way she won't at least have to be bothered by these sickening issues anymore once she leaves -I could see that her mental seemed to be in agony in every second she spent in this school. To be frank, all of us could see. It's just that she was keeping t'all to herself. Well, now that she's already there, she can stay focus on what's important for her as she has always wanted. We're relieved for her. We're glad for her. We're gonna miss her like hell, but we believe in her decision.
While the other part of me, which is more major than the 'relieved part', is filled with guilt. Me and my other friend were the ones who encouraged her to move back to TI. Not that we wanted her to go away from us, we have our own reason(s). Both of us are in the ocean of guilt, and we're drowning.
We are sorry. Truly sorry. For not helping Ifa furthering her steps any forward in this school, and for not trying to stop her from..leaving. And what hurts even more is that we didn't get to explain it all, from A to Z to her. All the things we said to her, I wish she knew it was not all. It was not yet complete. She left before we got to make it clear. We had so much more to say to her, which of course, we were hoping to let out on that Sunday. But things didn't go as planned. She turned up that day, took her stuffs, hugged us, and off she went. I saw her tears starting to form and I turned away. I didn't want my mind to bear her crying face as my last memory of her last day in LB. I could still remember her first words to me, I couldn't recall her last words. Not because I forget, but because I haven't die, and so does Ifa. So that last words, is not really the very last. Cause someday we'll most probably meet again. (Get me? No? Who cares)
This world we're living in is big, but not that big. Maybe we'll bump into each other one day, and I'll recognize your lovely face, and we'll hug like we did when we're sixteen and then we'll sit across each other over two steaming cups of coffee and listen to all the stories we have. The good, the bad, the ugly. Who knows? The future holds too much.
So yeah, end of story.
